So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
