im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
