i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
