Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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