We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
