It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
