Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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