So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
