its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
