i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
