He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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