check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
