dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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