Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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