There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
