Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
