I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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