I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
