i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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