I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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