dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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