I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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