I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
