bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
