in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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