So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
