when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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