Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
