And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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