We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
