Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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