Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
