I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
