We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
