saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
