ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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