my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The beer is more important than you right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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