I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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