she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
