I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
