also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize