Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she smelled like a LAN party
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
