No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
