is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i out mim tonsoeep
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
