Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
