he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
