My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
