fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
