I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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