My sheets look like a crime scene.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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