If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
