I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
