You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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