did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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