we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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