How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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