I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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