Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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