is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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