It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
