new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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