O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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