Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
