i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
