Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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