Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish you could order shots online.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
