Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
