So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
