marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's the barista slut.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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