your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
