Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Randomize
