:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
