I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
