new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
this hospital has no fireball
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize