Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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