i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
