we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
