I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
