He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
