just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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