i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
