I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
