Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
